Let's Look at Facts about Self-Esteem
I've been posting about causes of low self-esteem. These posts have been expansions on the post Low Self-esteem: 10 Causes. With this post I'm shifting somewhat. I want to give you some basic facts about low self-esteem.
What is Low Self-Esteem?
Low self esteem is a pervasive sense you are flawed, not good enough, unworthy or unlovable. It doesn't matter how much you accomplish, you just feel less than. There is an empty feeling inside you. You feel incomplete, unworthy and just plain miserable.
You may keep yourself busy so you don't have to feel your emptiness.
You Attempt to Get Value from Others or from Things
People with low self esteem often struggle with people-pleasing in an effort to fit in or be accepted. Sometimes they compromise their values so they will be part of the in-group.
People with low self-esteem often collect things which they believe give them value. This could be money, nice cars or homes. They often look for power over people to feel internal power.
You're not Nice to You
Negative self talk is often a constant for people with low self esteem. Even when things are going well, the critical inner-voice can sabotage success and efforts. Instead of enjoying the accomplishment, the person with low self-esteem looks for weaknesses.
Repeating negative comments made by parents and authorities while you were a child can occupy your mind. Be nice to yourself. Congratulate yourself. Look for the strengths in your accomplishments.
Are You Employed According to Your Skill Level
People with low self esteem are often underemployed, as they fear attempting to achieve and then failing. Sadder than not trying, is not believing that you can make a positive difference doing more than your doing now.
Take risks. Yes, it can be difficult if you don't believe in yourself. Get the support of someone you trust to encourage you in moving out of the limitations you've given yourself
Do You Attract Unhealthy Relationship?
Those who have low self esteem often find themselves in unhealthy relationships. This can happens because they feel undeserving to be treated well. When you're making negative comments to yourself about you to yourself, you certainly don't need anyone else to reinforce the negative in you.
Take a look at your relationship. Are they a reflection of what you think about yourself? What steps can you take to begin to have health relationships. That first step will be about your relationship with yourself.
Do You Isolate Yourself?
In some cases, people with low self esteem isolate themselves from others in an attempt to avoid rejection or feeling judged. This is different from being an introvert. An introvert needs alone time to recharge. Isolation because you are afraid of being with others is a whole different thing.
If you are an introvert, be sure you're not using introversion as an excuse of isolating yourself. Extroverts, if you don't go out and interact with others, you can be pretty sure you're isolating. Find out why.
By the way, the other side of isolating is that you always have to be with others because you can't stand being alone with yourself.
Can You and Do You Accept Compliments from Others.
The inability to accept compliments can be a hallmark of low self esteem. Some people were raised that accepting compliments is a sign of pride and that is wrong. If you don't accept compliments because you believe there is nothing to compliment, that is a self-esteem issue.
When someone compliments you there is almost always one ideal answer. " Thank you."
Ways to Raise Your Self-Esteem
Come to Know Yourself
Shift your perspective in evaluating yourself. Write down compliments and successes. When you make mistakes, learn from them, and implement what you learn.
Speak Wonderful Words to Yourself
Affirmations and positive self talk can help reverse low self esteem. When your habit is to speak negatively to and about yourself, the first step is to STOP. Catch yourself when being negative and just stop. You don't have to be upset. Just stop.
Then, substitute the positive. Have some positive affirmations ready to go when you catch yourself being negative. Need some ideas? Google, "Affirmations for self-esteem" and select a few applicable to yourself.
Quit Looking in a Distorted Mirror
Have you ever looked in those mirrors which change the way you look? You have your own "self-esteem mirror." Learning to recognize distorted beliefs that reinforce low self esteem is crucial. If people tell you wonderful things about you and you don't believe them, you have a distorted belief which has you seeing yourself in way that is not reality.
You can change beliefs about yourself. There are healing modalities such as BodyTalk, PSYCH-K and Encodements which will assist you in shifting your view of yourself.
Finding safe relationships and activities can decrease isolation and improve social skills. Where do you feel safe? Find those places and be there more often. Go places where there are healthy people or people working to get healthy. This may mean a support group.
You are worthy of all the wonderful things in life, including feeling good about yourself. When you have a life-long pattern of negativity, it takes time to change it. You can change it. You can learn new ways of thinking and relating.
If you need some help, make an appointment and let's work with each other. Click here to send me an email.