The Power of Choice
Grieving the Death of a Loved One
Since I last wrote many months ago I have had numerous things happen in my life. Some wonderful, many pleasant, some unpleasant and others sad. I'm sure that is true for most of you.
Each of the events in life involved choice.
For instance, I made the decision to sell my condo (nice profit) and buy a home with a yard (wonderful choice). I acquired a companion dog for the dog I already had (pleasant choice in that she's a delight--and unpleasant consequence in that there are now double the leaves and doggie leavings 😉 to clean up).
My Body Talk practice has increased and the results have been remarkable (wonderful).
Then, there is the saddest. My "baby" brother, age 46, passed on. As open hearted as he was, he lived the tortuous life of an alcoholic and addict with diabetes. A deadly combination.
Here come the biggest choices. How do I handle this?
I can choose to be angry at him for destroying himself. At the same time I know that he tried 4, 5, maybe 6 treatment programs to get sober. He did try and was sometimes sober for a few months. He was an absolute delight when sober.
He, also, was a gifted musician. My choices are in how I will remember him and the feelings I choose to have about his life. Will I focus on the delightful times with him (wonderful sense of humor, big heart, sensitive, generous) or the bad times ("evicting" him from my home, the lies, the stealing, the grief).
Which will I focus on? My choice has been the good times. I find that the bad times are receding in my memory. The joy that he was is coming to the forefront. It makes the grieving easier.
I have also chosen to take care of myself by doing lots, and I do mean lots, of Soul Healing (the prayer process you received when you subscribed to this newsletter). I have also had a great deal of Body Talk done. The result is that I am moving through the grief very quickly.
There are times I will simply burst into tears, virtually without warning. Other times I'm filled with laughter remember certain events.
I don't know how long it will take to move through my grief. I know I will always love my brother. I will probably miss his jokes and his music.
I will never miss his addiction and the pain that was there. I choose to let all that go and remember the love and joy he gave me.
by Cathy Chapman, PhD. - March 2005
